I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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