how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she told me i tasted like america
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
