There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
