I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
