listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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