um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
