Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
