I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
