Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't put those talents on a resume
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
