My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
