I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
