oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
