My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize