forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
