you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
bring money and cleavage
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
