It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize