i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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