I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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