capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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