I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
