Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
