Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she pinky promised me she was 18
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Randomize
