i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
