Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
