He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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