SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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