sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
false alarm, still single
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
