so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
