It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
