Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
