i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
