Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
