She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
