It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
