Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize