Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
