We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
