Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
