one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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