I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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