I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
