I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
