the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
