i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
