i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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