Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
