Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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