when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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