Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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