So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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