She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
