she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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