I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
