We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize