she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
