It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
