DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
