Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
