Me. At least after what I've been through.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
