a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
