You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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