You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
