god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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