I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
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