I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
