How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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