You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
