Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
