She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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