You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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