You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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