Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize