If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
